An Experiment in Flash Fiction

My Blind Date with an Alien

“I wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition.”

Nothing. Not a glimmer of recognition. He didn’t even raise an eyebrow, just started to apologize.

I waved his apology away. “No, no, I keed, I keed...”

He looked even more confused. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a curious person.”

I smiled. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”

He looked shocked, and his giant violet-blue eyes got even bigger. “What? Oh, I’m so sorry! How did it happen?” He almost reached for my hand.

I shook my head, letting my hair fall over my shoulder. “That’s just an old expression.”

He tilted his head and, if possible, looked yet more confused. “Old expression?”

Once again I found myself waving the subject away. “No matter. So, Curious George, where did you grow up?”

He smiled. “My name is Stephan, not George.”

“Sorry, you remind me of somebody called George.” I took a sip of my Chablis and restated my question. “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Minnesota.”

I nodded encouragingly, but he didn’t pick up on my cue. “Oh, Minnesota. So you came to Iowa seeking relief from the cold winters, then?”

He shrugged. “No, the winters here aren’t much less cold than in Minnesota. I came here because I got a job at the University.”

I slapped the table top lightly. “Don’t tell me, let me guess. You’re a hot shot astrophysicist, right?”

“No.” If it was possible for someone to look sick with confusion, it was my date. “I’m a... warm-blooded anthropologist.”

I had to laugh. “Even better! Studying us Earthlings, reporting back to the Mother Ship?”

His confusion turned to panic. “What are you talking about? You haven’t made one bit of sense this entire evening!”

“Do you live under a rock or something?”

He was visibly trembling. “No, I live in a nice house on Brown Street. Look, I’m sorry, Melissa, but I thought we had a connection, and now I just think you’re a terrible person, and I am going to pay the check and leave.”

I couldn’t resist. “Screw you guys, I’m going home.”

He rose in a lather, looked at me with real fury, and stalked out as I literally fell out of my chair sideways laughing. “B’dee b’dee b’dee, that’s all folks!”